How to Beat the Boredom
Buy lottery tickets,
pour your life savings into these stubs.
Can tomatoes,
fill quart Mason jar after jar
and store them in the cellar
so you’re prepared for nuclear fallout.
Do the same with pickles.
Work on a plantation,
where the toil never ends.
Walk across America,
then do it again
and again
and again except this time in a three-piece suit
and again in a wedding dress
and again, backwards.
See the world,
see the world the way a blind man sees it
by touching everything.
Make sure to take plenty of pictures.
Raise a child star,
steal his money and abandon him
when his voice deepens
or hair grows out of his ears
and he starts thinking about his future.
Take up smoking,
just to make you look tough,
an addiction to blow all your money on,
and an easy way to end life before you get bored again.
Go out and fall in love,
cheat on your girl the next day,
have your first love find out
and tell her that it was a fluke,
commitment problems or some garbage like that.
Have your women awkwardly
meet you in the same location the next day,
the day after that tell them,
“Baby, I don’t think it’s gonna work out.”
If all else fails, go to the sporting goods store
and buy a set of golf clubs.
Take the boredom out back
and beat it within an inch of its life.
Beat it until the blood pours from its nose.
Beat it until it’s blue and black and swollen.
Beat it until you’ve taught it not to fuck with you ever again.
At least that’s what works for me.
Published in Arsenal Magazine
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